And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
