you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
