youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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