I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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