Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
