He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize