Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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