A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How's work?
Spinning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
