Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
