walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
