i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
