still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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