At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize