haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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