Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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