you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
