there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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