I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
