I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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