I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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