Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
