Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
