You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize