you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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