he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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