my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
