So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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