ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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