He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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