im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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