I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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