I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
