yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
