eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize