saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
