this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
