It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
