Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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