u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
