Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
