You made me cry and you don't even care
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
