I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think my moral compass just broke
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize