i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
