the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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