Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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