glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
