he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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