I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
