Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
