come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
