I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
