I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
