mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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