Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
