I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
