yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
