Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
