I wannas sexs uuuuu
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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