I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
