Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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