Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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