we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
