morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
