Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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