I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
