he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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