I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize