I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize