How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
