..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
