it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
