This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
