She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
