yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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