If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize