the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So squirting runs in the family.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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