I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
