Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
